She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
