Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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