If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
