I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
