Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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