i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
