this just has baby written all over it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
