Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
