You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
