Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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