I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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