my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
