I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
