chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
