Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
