I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
