I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
