You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
