Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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