Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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