have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
