I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am available for nakedness
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
