...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
