ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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