I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
