Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
