I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
