kristin has been a bad kristin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
