There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
