Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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