i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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