My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
