i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
