So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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