shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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