the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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