I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
