How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
