I just pynch a tree in the face
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FUCK WHALES
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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