I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
