new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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