my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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