I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
