I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
