wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
