there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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