This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
