your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
