My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
