i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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