Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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