You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
